The Art of Play, Part 1: Building Relationships

So when I have had an intense, fulfilling play session, my first thought (after taking care of the sub’s needs) is to think about what had just happened.  What thing clicked that made this play session so special?

For me, it is an easy question to answer: it was the relationship I built with the sub during our play session.  Even when i have engaged in casual play, there have been times when we established a deep between Dom and sub.  And this connection is no less intense than ones I have had with people I already knew and ones with whom I was having a relationship.  It is, however, easier to make that kind of connection with those whom I know well.  So what is that essence that makes that connection possible.

In a word: trust.

In any type of play, there needs to be a certain level of trust. This is especially true for the sub.  The Dom will do their own thing.  But the Dom has to have the trust of the sub, or there can be no trust and, in turn, no intensity.   And the Dom must not only work to earn that trust; they must also work to maintain it.  Lose it, and you will be hard-pressed to win it back.

Like all people, I have won and lost trust many times over a lifetime.  It is a part of the learning process.  But in those times I have lost someone’s trust, I have learned what it is that needs work in me.  And when I have lost trust in someone else, I know what qualities I need to look for before allowing myself to put my trust in someone else.  It is a very, very long journey.  But it is ultimately an extremely worthwhile one.  Like the artist honing their skills, those of us who love to play need to look into ourselves and others to find what it is we need for our art to flourish.

Now I have been around for over 50 years, and I have been in the lifestyle for forty percent of that time.  I have been in many relationships, played with many different people, and tried many different things.  But in all those relationships, in all those the times I have played with someone, and in all those times I have tried something different, the one thing that made them special was the connection I had with the other person.  And that connection’s cornerstone was always–always, always, always–the trust that was built between myself and my partner.  Indeed, I think of every person I play with as my partner, and I try to treat them with the consideration, care and respect that a partner deserves.

And when I finally find that partner who will be with me for the rest of my life–the one who with trust me and whom I will trust until the end of days–I know that the art we will build together will be magnificent.

The Art of Play, An Introductory Throught

There is an art to play.

We often don’t give it enough credit.  We all put a little art to our play.  A certain flare to a stroke, sliding the rope across a a nipple, a sharp tug to get the sub’s attention–these are the little things we do to make our play more interesting.

But some people are better at it than others.  We know who they are.  They are the ones that mesmerize us when they play.  We stop and watch like an audience watching a magnificent opera.  We keep our eyes glues to each movement like someone watching a great movie. We get drawn in as we watch the Dom and the Sub do their dance.

In fact, the best players are ones that have a theatrical flare.  But it isn’t all about style.  I have watched people play hard.  There was the dom using a flogger that slams the sub against the post holding her.  There was the dom cracking a single tail making and the sub fighting back.  But I have seen a dom caressing a sub with a flogger.  I have seen doms using rope to guide the sub to the right position while blindfolded.  No, it isn’t just about what style to use.

The secret to the art of play is understanding that what we are doing is connecting with someone else.

When we played as children, we were connecting with someone else who was helping us enter our fantasy world.  We had a set of rules–both implicit and explicit–that governed what we did and how our interactions would work.  And we and our play partner(s) interacted in ways that transported us to the playscapes that filled our minds.  And as long as we stayed with the those rules, we became totally immersed in those playscapes.

So now we are playing at a higher level.  But we are still playing.  We still need to abide by rules both explicit and implicit. And we are still connecting.

Now, how do we turn our play into art?

Playing with rope

[To be continued]

Hearing Voices

I have been hearing voices.

I heard voices saying that I shouldn’t let people see me play. I heard voices saying that my kink should be kept private. I heard voices that said that I shold stay in the shadows.

But I listened to my heart and went to play at the public parties.

I heard voices telling me not to rock the boat. I heard voices telling me to keep a low profile. I heard voices sating that I have a position to think about.

But I listened to my heart, and marched in the pride parade with my friends.

Lately I have been hearing voices telling me that there is nothing that can be done about injustice. And there have been voices that say that one person can’t make a difference. And I have heard voices that it’s not my concern anyways.

But I think of Betty Williams. In 1976, she saw three children killed in the sectarian violence in Northern Ireland. This woman–a receptionist and mother of two children–was so horrified by this senseless act that she organized a petition that in only two days got six thousand signatures calling for peace. She then led ten thousand marchers in protest agaist the violence that marred her country. Unfortunately, a bunch of hooligans distrupted the march. One week later, she organized another march. This time, over 35,000 people marched with her.

And for her efforts, she received the Nobel Peace Prize in the same year.

I believe that Betty Williams listened to her heart. And so I will listen to mine.

The Tyranny of Technique

Last weekend, I attended the “Weekend with Midori” event held by Sagacity.  It was a fantastic experience.  if you ever get the chance to take one of her workshops, I highly, highly recommend you go.  They are insightful and entertaining.  And Midori is a really nice person as well.

Two of the workshops she presented at Sagacity were on rope bondage and flogging.  And for me, they  were revelations.  I have gone to many workshops on these subjects–some good; some bad.  And I learned a lot from them.  But Midori while dealt with technique and safety issues, the real eye-opener for me was the way that she used rope and floggers as communications mediums.

In the rope bondage workshop, Midori did a demonstration with a young woman that was jaw-dropping.  She used the rope not just to bind her.  She used it to “talk’ to her.  Midori ran the rope across the sub’s body to heighten her arousal.  She used to order her into different positions.  She used it to seduce her.  And each tie she made was a statement od dominance, of desire and of sensuality.

The flogger workshop was truly sublime.  Her demonstration there was a lesson on using the flogger as a seducer.  She used her flogger on the male sub as a sensual statement.  She ran it over his head and body.  She use it to move him from place to place.  And when she finally decided to use it for impact, she was not simply manipulating her strikes to manipulate the sub’s sense; she used the flogger to caress, to comfort and to arouse.  It was sublime.

In both cases, I realized that I was watching an art piece being created.

And I realized that, far too often, I fall into the tyranny of technique.

It is a common problem for Doms.  When we play with a sub, we concentrate on using our skills with toys to get the sub into subspace.  We concentrate on using to toy we are using the “right way.”  And we can–if we are studious, skillful and mindful–able to bring the sub into subspace this way.

But we do so as technicians.  We allow our focus on technique to take over our play. A friend of mine who is a very accomplished in rope and suspensions.  He once said to me that he feels that he is seen more by his rope than as himself.  And I have heard this from people who use single tails as well.  We become extensions of our tools.  Indeed, we begin to become identified by our toys rather than by who we are.

But sometimes, it is because we get caught up with our technique rather than with our play.  It is like the dancer who is technically sound, but lacks the artistry to elevate the dance beyond the form itself.  I have seen a tango that is well done, but it doesn’t inspire me.  But once in a while, I see one that arouses passion and desire and hormones and so many other sensations that I forget that it is just a dance.  It is great art.

And that is what I want my play to become: art.  Maybe my play will inspire those who watch.  That would be nice.  But my goal is to make my play a great experience for the person I am playing with.  I want it to transcend the technique.  I want it to be more than a good flogging, a good suspension, or a good caning.

I want it to be great play.  Play for the sub.  Play for me.

Back from a long hiatus

One thing about blogs: you have to have something to write that you think is worth writing.

Lately, I have been trying think about what is worth writing.  What is something that one can user versus self-indulgence.  I don;t mind wriitng to you about my indulgences (thus the title of this blog), but I don’t feeling like writing simply to fulfill my indulgences.

But now, I feel that I do have something worthwhile to say.

And so I will be writing on a regular schedule, and I will be saying something more than, “Today I….”

Why I am in Kink

People ask me, “Why are you in kink?” My kinky friends ask me. My vanilla friends (at leat, the ones I trust) ask me. And sometime, I have to ask me.

Until now, I have had many answers: I am drawn to the power exchange; I love the creativity; I love tying up women, It lets me explore the darker side of my psyche…. The answers came fast and varied.

But the last couple of years has been ones of introspection and seeking the truth. I have become aware of the things that make me tick–the good and the bad–and make me the person that I am today. I have come to undestand that the things that make me attractive to people are also the things that can make them annoyed at me. I am not a mansion with many rooms. I am a forest: green and inviting; dark and foreboding; with tranquility and chaos, generousity and self-absorption, kindness and cruelty, caring and want, patience and demanding existing within my borders.

And I have the true answer to the question, “Whay am I in kink?”

I am in kink because it is me.

Zen and the Art of Suspensions

It was been a while since I last posted.  Life has a way of getting in the way.

I have been away from the lifestyle to concentrate on my kendo skills, tournaments, and to heal from my Dad’s passing.  It was a tough time, but it was a healing time as well.

And so I started attending play parties again.  And I started playing again.

And I have found a new interest: suspensions.

I have been into bondage and rope for a long time.  But now I have a need to suspend someone in the air.  I did my first suspoension at one of the local publ;ic play parties.  I had a great coach, and I am browsing rope vendors to figure out which type of rope I want to buy.

I am hooked.

I’m hooked because doing suspensions require a different aesthetic.  It’s not about impact.  It is about patience and balance.   It’s about adjusting a sub’s bonds so that she is lying open to me.  It’s about making sure that everything is set up to allow the sub to stay suspended as long as possible.  It’s about finding the quiet place in my soul to have the concentration to do everything right.

I love suspensions.

Relationships

No question about it: relationships are difficult.

Anything involving more than one person makes things complicated.  And maneuvering the tricky waters of a poly relationship is even more difficult.

For the past few months, I have been in a relationship with someone who is in a open marriage.  It was largely a kink-based one–certainly that is how it started out.  But this person and I slowly towards a more and more intimate relationship.  We played hard and we grew close.

But in the last couple of months, things became strained.  She perceived things that were not there.  In the end, our personalities were too different to maintain the relationship.  I felt she was looking for something from me that I could not give her. And I was beginning to feel that she was unable to accept me in the ways that I needed.

And now it is over.

Am I sad?

No.  In the end, ending the relationship was the best thing that could have happened.  I am glad that she was the one to put it to rest.  I think it was easier for her if she was the one to end everything than if I had done so.

Do I have regrets?

No.  Every relationship is a new experience, and I think that we learn something from being with that person for a time.  And with each thing we learn, we come closer to finding that special person that we truly want and need.

Will I have anything to do with this person?

I hope so.  I have been very fortunate in that I have managed to maintain a friendship with the key relationships that I have had in my life.  Perhaps we might even play on a casual basis someday.  There are always possibilities.  But that is something for another day, and may never happen.

Now I am looking at the road before me, and I am choosing a new path to follow.

And so I begin my new journey with a smile and a light step.  I will travel alone for until another traveler comes to walk beside me.  And whether that person walks with me for a short time, a long distance or for the rest of my life, I will enjoy and be grateful for their company.

May your journeys be as happy as mine.

The road ahead

Coming Out

There are times when you have to bite the bullet and reveal who you are to someone.

There are times when we all have to “come out.”

Coming out isn’t something that is exclusive to any one community.  We have all heard the stories (and horror stories) of gays coming out.  And there are the tales of those whose fetishes have been revealed–willingly or unwillingly–to the world.  And we all have some secret that we whisper to someone we trust because we need to let someone know.  And so it was that I found myself having to come out about my BDSM life …

… to my mother.

It was not an easy decision, to be sure.  But it was a necessary one.

A bit of background, first.

When I returned to my hometown, I stayed at my parents’ house while I did the job search thing amd re-esablished myself.  I found a job fairly quickly, and once my probation period had passed, I was ready to go off on my own.  But at the same time, my father’s health was failing and housing prices were going through the roof.  After a lot of thought and discussion, I decided to buy my parent’s house. That way, I could help take care of my father and i would have a house in a prime real estate area for half the cost to would have cost me.

And the arrangement is pretty good.  I have the basement to myself and it is very private.  And I don’t have to cook for myself everyday.

But my mother noticed the large cases I was taking with me on the nights i would go to the public play parties in town.  And privacy or not–she was curious.

But my parents and I maintained a don’t ask, don’t tell policy about this sort of thing, and so nothing was asked.

Then a couple of weeks ago, my father passed away very quietly in the hospital.  We had the funeral.  We mourned.   And we went on with our lives.

And I went again to a play party with my toyboxes.

And, finally, my mother asked the question that she had held inside her for the past year: “What’s in the cases?”

I didn’t know what to say, and my taxi was waiting for me.  And so I told her I would talk about it later.  And I left it at that.

But we brought my father’s ashes home earlier this week, and so my mother and I were having tea and talking about Dad.  And it occurred to me that now was as good a time to tell my mother what was in the cases.

So I told her that was into kinky sex and the BDSM scene.  And I told her that I had develeoped a number of friendships and relationships in that group.

She asked if I was the one getting “beaten”.  I replied that, no, I was the one doing the beating.  She nodded and said that was good.

And that was that.

No I am the first to know that I am pretty lucky.  Many people could never dream of revealing their kinky side to their parents like I did.  But at the same time, I have to say that i feel relieved.  I feel that I don’t have to carry that secret around, or feel taht I have to slink off in the night to hide what I am doing.  I can just open the door, say good night and head off to revel in my kinkiness.

And it is my fervent hope that there will come a time when everyone can come out with the same ease as I had.

Play

I was very fortunate to be able to attend a single tail whip demonstration by John Ireland (www.sensualwhipping.com).  He gave a beginner/intermediate workshop on single tail whips in BDSM play.  It was a great experience, and everyone who attended was given hands-on experience in using this type of instrument.  It was not ony informative; it was also a lot of fun.  The time went quickly and everyone came out with a better understanding about this kind of play.

In the evening, John gave a demonstration with his partner, and then allowed people who had never experienced receiving single tail strikes to try it.  It was a really eye opening event.  His technique was so smooth and effortless.  If you ever get a chance to watch him perform or take one  of his workshops, I highly recommend that you seize the chance.

But it was during the Metro Vancouver Kink play party that my eyes were really opened.  I had decided that I wasn’t going to play this night and would watch other people for a change.  John and his partner took the opportunity to engage in BDSM play with each other.

It was one of the most amazing things I had ever seen.

John and his partner played with such intensity, with such passion and sensuality, that the people who watched them were left with our jaws dropping to the floor.  It was theatre and it was reality mixed with such emotion and raw energy that I was transfixed.  One of my friends said that he had never enjoyed himself at an event so much—and he didn’t even play.  And I couldn’t agree with him more.  Words cannot do what I saw justice. I can honestly say that it is the stuff of poets rather than chroniclers.

And now I am left to think about what it means to play.

For the last fifteen years, I have enjoyed that broad category that we call the lifestyle.  For the last ten years, I have engaged in various forms of BDSM activities.  But I have never really understood the full potential of BDSM play.  Watching John and his partner engage with each other (and I use the term in its connotation as both activity and battle) has made me think about what it is I want to achieve in my BDSM play.

My posts so far have used the metaphor of a journey as how I see my involvement in “The Lifestyle”.  Now I realize that my journey will be long, and take many different routes.

But it is a journey that I make willingly, and with a new sense of excitement.

One of the new paths on my journey

Blogging

Blogging.  It’s the “in” thing.  We blog about our favorite foods.  We blog about our hobbies.  We blog about what ticks us off.

And we blog about our innermost secrets.

It’s funny.  At one time, we would keep a diary in which we would wriet down our most intimate secrets.  And we keep that book hidden under lock and key.  Now we write them up and post them for the world to read.  And we add the pictures and tittlation that raises our hit rate.  Some of us even go commercial.

So here I sit, writting my first blog about the lifestyle that I love so.  A Dom writing about playing, about fantasies, about desire, and about the experiences tha makes up the rich pageant of my life in BDSM.  What secrets will i write about?  What rants and insights will I pass on to the world?

I don’t know.  But I hope it will be fun.

Zen and the Nature of Play

I went to visit Brad the Braider today to order two single tail whips.

Single tails are a huge step up for a Dom.  They require more control and attention because they can cause serious injury very easily.  There many a horror story of a Sub being traumatized by an inexperienced Dom wielding a single tail improperly.  You have to learn how to control this type of whip through workshops and practice long before you try to use it on someone.

So with this in mind, i went to Brad’s house to meet with him and look at his work.

I found Brad a very warm and open person with a passion for his work.  He demonstrated some techniques with different types of whips.  It was all very impressive.  Brad knows with stuff and has a keen insight into using single tails in BDSM play.

But what struck me as he talke about whips was that the whip takes on the personality of the user.  As you use a whip, it begins to “break in” according to the way its owner uses it.  Brad described how a whip he has made felt fine when he tested it, but after it has been broken in by another person he would discover that it was difficult for him to use.  In a way, whips take on the personality of their owners.

Two things I practice outside of the lifestyle are kendo and iaido: Japanese sword fighting and sword drawing.  I started this martial art not long after i started kendo.  In iaido, one of the things you learn is that a Japanese sword is said to take on the soul of its owner.  But in kendo, you find that people’s fighting styles reflect their personalities.  A shy person tends to hold back and waits for the other person to make a move.  Someone who is more outgoing will tend to initiate the attack.  What is more interesting, however, is how somone who changes their style also seems to shift their personalities.  I have seen shy kendoists become more aggressive and at the same time more outgoing.

The more Brad and I talked, the more similarities we saw between the sword and the whip.  And I realized that when I play with someone, I get into a kind of Zen state where I am focused on everything, but conscious of nothing.  I can pick up the tiniest reaction of the person I am playing with, and automatically adjust what I am doing to be in synch with her needs.  I remember playing with my friend Padme at a public play party and she and I had a great connection.  Everything seemed to flow without any effort.  I would get into a groove and would change what I was doing without having to think about it.  By the time we finished, we had spent over an hour and a half playing.  It was a very good session.

But that is also how I feel when I practice kendo.  My best sessions are when everything I do flows fmor my unconscious.  One time, I was practicing with my teacher and things were going alright.  I made some strikes, but none of them were very good.  In kendo, you need to combine technique, spirit and movement in such a way that everything come together at the moment you strike your opponent.

After a couple of minutes, however, my teacher and began squaring off and really letting our kiai (one’s spirit represented by the shouts one makes towards the opponent) burst out from our bellies.  I felt a connection with my teacher and suddenly, I went for a strike.  I didn’t think about it, it just happened.  I struck my teach on his men (the helmet used in kendo) with a sharp, decisive hit.  It was the best hit I had ever made. My teacher complimented me on it.

I have come to the understanding that being a good Dom is finding that kind of connection.  Subs talk of “sub-space”: the endorphin induced state that subs can achieve when playing.  But some Doms have started talking about “Dom-space.”  Some call it “being in a groove” or being “in tune” with the Sub.  But for me, it is a very Zen experience: a transcendence to something that is beyond the physical and mental.  It is a spiritual moment that is unique each time you experience it.

It is that type of moment that drives me to practice kendo and iaido.

It is that type of moment that compels me to the lifestyle.

Mentoring

Last Saturday, I attended the Metro Vancouver Kink’s (MVK) workshop on flogging.  The workshop was given by Zorklunn: a professional Dom who is an expert with the two-flogger technique.  It was interesting and, while I have used floggers for over ten years, I learned a few things.

But during the play part that followed, I was offered the chance for one-on-one instruction with Brian K.  Brian is a longtime member of the Vancouver kink community who founded one of the main public play parties in the city.  He is also an expert flogger and was Zorklunn’s mentor.  So naturally, I jumped the chance.

My session with Brian K. was enlightening.  He discussed how to use layering–changing the intensity of the flogging back and forth–to heighten and prolong the sub’s experience.  We talked about reading the sub’s reaction to know when to increase the intensity and when to reduce it.  And at the end of the session, Brian showed me how to squeeze the sub’s butt cheeks or shoulder blades to bring her to a higher level of sub-space.  It was a really wonderful session from a very good teacher and relaly nice human being.

But as I started thinking about this experience, I began to think about mentors.  I have had a number mentors in my life–mostly in the academic and business realms–and I have benefitted tremendously from their guidance.  But I have to admit that most of what I learned in BDSM was largely learned from books, feedback from the people I have played with,  and from personal experience.  And I have built a pretty good technique.

And yet, how would I have developed if I had a mentor guiding me?  How much better wold I be now if I had someone who cold guide me.  And I am not alone.  I have watched a number of people at both public an private play parties, and I have seen people who could have benefited from instruction from someone who had more experience.  But I have also seen Doms–usually younger ones–who bristle at the idea of being “told” by someone how to use a flogger.  They believe that they know what a sun wants, and they flay away as if they are tenderizing meat.

It is a kind of arrogance.  Well, no, it is arrogance.

I have learned that no matter how good you think you are, there is someone who is better whom you can learn from.  And I try to find those people in all aspects of my life.  And I have grown to be a better Dom and a better person as a result.

So how does one find a mentor?  Ask around.  Go to play parties and see who people gravitate to.  Ask around.  Whatch how different Doms play and ask them questions.  Many are very generous people who are happy to impart their knowledge.

Always be a student.  It is the best role you can have in  life.

New Starts

This Saturday was an interesting one for me.  After a very busy few months both personally and professionally, I was able to attend a party at a local lifestyle club.  I had join a couple of months ago, but circumstance has prevented me form attending any of its events.  But this Saturday, I was able to go.

But before heading off to the party, I went and met with a good friend of mine: Padme.  She and I played together a month ago at a public play party and felt a real connection.  It was, for me, a real Zen experience.  I felt a real bond that transcended verbal communication.  We played for over an hour and a half, and yet we felt totally exhilerated.  We have talked quite a bit since tht session, and we have talked about doing more.

We met at one of the main shopping malls in the Vancouver area, and we had a great time together.  But I my mind, I was holding back a bit.  Padme had gone througha rough spell recently, and I felt that she needed some space to get things in her life in synch again.  But as I left to get ready for the party, I felt taht I had left something unfinished.

I went to the party and had a nice time.  There were people I had not met before, and they all seemed interesting.  But while it was a lifestyle party, I had the sense that people were more voyeurs than participants.  One couple was having sex with each other, and another were playing with what i would consider light to moderate S&M.  But nothing really exciting for me.

But then one couple became interested in my collection of floggers, and then the wife offered her bottom to give it a try.  So I dod some really light flogging.  I started with my suede flogger, used my horsehair for a short time, and then ended with the leather.  And I kept it very light: nothign that would cause more than a little pinkness.  But it was still fun.  I like teaching–I had taught university courses for years–and the people were really into trying flogging for the first time.

But when I got home, I thought of Padme.  I thought that it would have been more fun to play with her.  And more to the point, I felt that I really wanted to dominate her.  Not just flogging her into sub-space. I wanted to push her in ways that she had not tried before.

So I called her today, and we had a really nice chat.  But then the subject about where we were going came up. She was talking about how she like to be dominated in life was well as in play.  She was attracted by “pushy” men.

And then I thought to myself, “Am I pushy?”  I tend to be the queit type that lets life flow around me rather than let it sweep me away.  But then I thought about how I would get my way by quiet means: a gentle nudge here; a small suggestion there.  I tend to use very subtle ways of directing people to do what I want.

And so am I pushy enough for Padme?

Am I pushy enough to have her dress in the way I want when we are together?  Am I persistent enough to have her strip bear for me to play with her in public?  Am I strong-willed enough to service me in body and mind?

Is this post a message to her to let her know that I will dominate her in ways she has not experienced before?

Dear Reader, I know she reads these posts.  And I know she will read thins and wonder what to make of it.  But that’s okay.  I want her to know.

I was leary about going to the play party last Saturday.  I have become comfortable with the grup I have been associating with–many of whom I would call friends.  But life is about starts and about discovering new things and meeting new people.  And so I went to the party.

It was a new start.

Now i want to take a new direction with Padme.  Not just one level.  I want to leap several.  I want to up the intensity and move from the cool and comfortable to the unknown.

A new start.

So here I sit, typing my thoughts into the blogosphere.  And all I want to say is …

Do you want a new start?

After the First Step

It is said that a new journey starts with the first step.  But what the proverb fails to say is that is takes a few steps after that to really hit one’s stride.

And so it is with relationships.

Last night, I played with my friend Padme again at one of the local public play parties.  It was a magical time for the both of us.  We both moved into our Zen spaces–her’s in sub-space; mine in the connection that I had with her.  We had intended to do some light play: not too intense and for just a short time.  But as we got more and more into the play, we began to make that kind of connection–for lack of any metter term–that transcends the emptional and moves in to the psychic.  I could feel her needs and adjusted my strikes and equipment to draw her further and further into the moment of epiphany.

Now earlier we had gone to our favorite Italian restaurant and discussed what kind of relationship we were trying to build between us.  I should point out that Padme is in a polyamourous relationship with her husband, and she is very happy in her marriage.  And I am perfectly fine with that arrangement.  Our’s is a different kind of relationship: one that has a totally different kind of dynamic.

So during the dinner. i talked about what kinds of things I was looking for in a relationship with Padme.  The master/slave thing is not within my oeuvre.  I am more of a raconteur.  I like to introduce people to new things and new ideas.  I like to explore and challenge people.  I am less a master and more of a mentor.

And with Padme, i want to explore and learn from her in ways both sexual and non-sexual.  I want to push her bounaries as I hope she will push on mine.  For me the Dom/sub relationship is a symbiotic one.  It is a partnership that benefits both parties, and brings new sensations and spiritual connections that neither person has experienced before.

So as Padme and I got more and more into our play last night, I felt this strong, sexual urge welling up between us.  If we had not been at this public party, I am pretty sure that she and I would have fucked each other.  And I do mean mean fucked rather than made love.  There was something primal in this sensation–soething that I had not experienced before.

And after the play, we cuddled and hugged each other for a good, long time.  And I am not afraid to say that I told her that I loved her.  And I mean it.

Now I have no desire to interfere with Padme’s marriage.  Both she and her husband have a poly relationship.  And they love each other very much.  I have desire to sweep her away and claim her as my own.  I love her for who she is, and for what she offers to me.  And I hope that it is the same for her.  The world is a big place, and there are many paths that one can travel.  The one between Padme and I is but one road that I travel along.  There are many more that I will take as well.

But now i feel that the my road with Padme has gone beyond the first step, and now we are starting to get into our stride.

It will be a most interesting journey.