Well, I was bout by a local Domme who wanted to learn single tails. It was rewarding sharing what I know with someone who has the same interests, and I was happy to see her pick up the basics about throwing single tails.

I then had a session with S. We decided to do a suspension this time, and so I lined up to get one of the suspension racks. It was a busy night and the place was buzzing with all kinds of lay.

The guy on the suspension rack I was waiting for was stupidly slow. I normally try not to judge other people’s play, but this guy was more than just incompetent–he was in considerate. He took so long to get issue into a partial bondage, she was totally disengaged from the play. His focus was entirely on getting the ties done, and there’s was no respect or attention paid to the sub. On top of that, his harnesses were poorly made and positioned, making it impossible for the sub to move from the partial suspension to a full one.

To make matters worse, after he had finished playing–and I use the term very loosely here–with his sub, he starter to put his gear away. This would not be an issue,except that he was even slower coiling his rope. And despite seeing thatthewereseveralpeoplewaitinginlineto use the suspension rack, he sat and merrily coiled his rope for almost half an hour. It’s the kind of discourtesy that gets you a bad name in the rope community. And a lot of ridicule.

Well by the time he was done, there were couple of groups wanting to use the rack. I was up next, and another experienced rigger was behind me. I turned and asked her if she wanted share the rack. She agreed and the two of us set up. It was a great dual scene. She did a partial suspension with a female sub while I did a full suspension with S.

S and I were having a lot of fun. I did a facedown suspension. I lay on the floor and we had a really playful scene. I locked my arms and S would lift herself up. We kissed (a lot, she is a GREAT kisser) and we touched each other. It was a really hot and wonderful time.

I then motioned to S’s husband to come over and join us. He stood over her and did some impact play with her. She struggled while I fondled between her legs. S and I had a fantastic scene made even better because S’s husband was a part of our scene.

And that is the thing. Far too often, we get wrapped up in what we are doing that we forget about what’s going on around us. The Molasses Rigger wasn’t just inconsiderate; he was totally clueless. If he was a little more aware, he would have made things a lot better not just for the people waiting for the equipment he was wasting, he would have gained a level of respect that would have enhanced his reputation. Instead he is labelled as an ass, and will always be seen in that light.

Sharing is a lot better.

But last night was my night to play. S and I went for a wonderful dinner on the Drive, and had great food and even better conversation. We then went to the party and settled in for an interesting night. I asked S what kind of scene she wanted, and we went for a single tail scene. S was gorgeous in a turquoise green mini and boots. We went to the rack and we took off her dress and bra. She was so beautiful!

We started our scene with a little warm up. I moved from spanking to floggers, and our scene was very sexually charged. I played with her clit and bit her nipple. It was a sure way to bring on an orgasm for her.

I started with my 4 foot signal whip. We got into a rhythm and I switched to the matching signal whips (I call them the Twins). It was a wonderful scene for me. I felt an incredible connection with S and I experienced one of the best scenes ever. S had a smile and so I think she enjoyed the session as well.

This is the kind of scene that makes me realize why I love BDSM play.

Thank you so much, S.

But now we have the Internet. Before Fetlife there was Alt.com and Collarme. Now instead of trying to find someone who can get you in somewhere, you can search the events page on Fetlife and see where the next munch or public party is being held. So much easier to be kinky these days.

And we talked.

We talked about a lot of things. We talked about our experiences with BDSM. We talked about our hopes and dreams. We talked about orgasms. And we talked about our relationship.

A bit of background….

S and met at a BDSM event where she got to try different things. She came with her husband, and they tried single tails. He wasn’t into it, but she was. I left a few marks on her, and we chatted about the experience. I gave her my contact information–something I always do in case some issue comes up later–and she went on to try other things. But I thought that her husband was a really, really lucky guy.

Well, not long after, S contact me and expressed an interest in developing some kind of relationship with me. She and her husband have had an open marriage for many years, and she was interested in exploring the BDSM side of her life. So we met, chatted and started dating. We’ve been seeing each other for almost half a year now, and it is one of most precious parts of life.

Well, we have been involved sexually and heavy play partners, and we are very close. And being the romantic that I am, I have told her many times how much I love her.  And I do love her. We have other relationships, but we have a great time whenever we are together.

So we were lying on this very cushy bed and talking, and she asked me, “Does it bother you that I don’t say that I love you?”

And I said no. I know how she feels about me. And I know that she cares for me. And everyone defines love differently. My view of it is much broader than most people’s. I see love as a connection that goes beyond friendship.

But for S, love is something much deeper. It is something that involves more than just having certain feelings for someone. There needs to be a deeper, perhaps even more spiritual (in a non-religious sense), aspect for it to be love for her. She loves her husband (which is good). She loves a couple she has had a relationship for a number of years.

Does she love me?

Well, I know she cares for me. She does have feelings for me. But does she love me?

She does in a way. But for one thing, our relationship is still pretty new. We haven’t moved through the ups and downs of a relationship. We haven’t explored each other in ways that you need to if you are going to find that connection that ties you to a person forever. We haven’t even seen all our bad habits.

We always want to define things. I am a Dom.  I am a Master. I feel happy. I feel I am in love. But these things are definitions–mere descriptions–that we use to figure out where we are in the world. We use them to establish our position in society. We use them to show how we fit in with the group.

But they are just definitions. They are imprecise. They are subject to interpretation. And they are not truly what I am, or how I feel. They are not who S is or how she feels. They are labels.  They help, but they don’t tell the whole story.

So am I sad that S can’t tell me that she “loves me?” I have thought about that, and I can honestly say it doesn’t bother me at all. I know how she feels about me, and that makes me happier than I ever have been. As a linguist, I can appreciate the semantics of words, but I also know their limitations. I don’t need a label to tell me how I feel or what I feel when I am with someone. I don’t need a description to say what my relationship with someone is or is not. I just need to feel. I just need to experience. And I just need to revel in what it is.

Am I in love? Yes. Am I loved?

Maybe, but it doesn’t matter if I hear the word. I know what I feel, I am happy, and I cherish my time with her–that is all that matters.

I took in the Rope Track portions of the conference. I had a fun time with Boss Bondage’s asymmetric bondage workshop. But it was Mark Yu’s floor bondage workshops that really blew me away. Mark is a Kinbaku/Nawa Shibari practitioner and sex positive educator based in Portland, OR. He combines his love of rope and Japanese bondage with his background in Chinese medicine and Zen. He is a truly gifted teacher and everyone who took this workshop came out of it with a new perspective on rope.

In the first part, Mark demonstrated his approach to floor bondage. He didn’t focus on rope technique (it was dealt with full enough for people new to rope could practice it) so much as he looked at combining it with pressure points and ki manipulation. Watching him play with the stunt bottom was really fascinating and it inspired a lot of people.

But it was in the second part of the workshop where we all learned about the power in this kind of play.

We all got to practice what we had just seen. Mark moved around as we tied our bottoms. He help guide us as we applied pressure on different areas and talked about how we were transferring energy.

I was with S and she was moving into subspace. But I noticed that there was something else going on. The connection between us has been very strong since we met, and I feel deeper feelings for her than I had ever experienced with anyone before. But playing with her this time was something that was so special. Emotions and memories sprang up that neither of us expected. In the end, a lot of things came bubbling up and the experience was transcending in so many ways.

That night, she and I played and it was truly amazing. I was single tailing her, and she was able to channel more pain than I had ever seen.  She told me that she was hardly feeling anything, and yet I was striking her harder than ever before. I thought that I was missing her with my strikes, but the markings on her body proved otherwise. It was a truly amazing play session and she and I really moved into another plane in our relationship.

But this is what I have been looking for. It was this kind of play that has been my goal for a long time. I am still processing everything and I don’t think that it is a form of play that you can do every day.  But I now have a better understanding of what is possible and what I want to achieve.

More to come.

One day, you think you have so much to write about. The next … not so much.

One blog is a lot of work.  Two is impossible.

So i am back to one blog.  And I have reorganized it so that I am separating things into posts and pages. The pages will be the stuff about BDSM, relationships and other things that I think people will find useful. The posts will be my daily (maybe), weekly (more Likely), or monthly (that means I am being lazy) musings on the lifestyle and stuff that someone may or may not find useful, but I hope will be interesting.

A lot of the impetus for these changes are inspired by some recent reading I have been doing about blogs. The main source that I highly recommend is Blogging for Dummies, 3rd ed. by Susannah Gardner. It is well-written, insightful and gives a lot of good advise about blogs and blogging.

So, here’s to a more successful and consistently updated blog.

I hope you enjoy it.

I trace the cords to follow the map
Of your body.
Bright roads winding along your arms,
Your breasts,
Your sex,
And your legs.

A single whimper from behind your gag
As I pull on the rope
Between your legs.
A gasp.  A shudder.
A smile crosses my face
As I let go.

Did you know it was me
When I grabbed you from behind
And threw you into the back of the van?
Did you feel my hand as I played with you
As I tied you spread open for my play?
Did you know that it was my fingers that forced open
You lips, both above and below?
Did you know that it was I
Who has forced my sex into you
For all these days?

I press my hand once more
Against your sex:
La doigt impudent.
You press for more
And I smile
And oblige.

Another violation.
Another spasm.
Another cry through the leather gag.
I lick you
To taste your desire
And surrender.

I stand back and admire.
My imagination wraps around your bondage
As my rope envelops your body.
And the old words come to my mind:
Fecemi la divina podestate, la somma sapienza e ‘l primo amore.

I heard voices saying that I shouldn’t let people see me play. I heard voices saying that my kink should be kept private. I heard voices that said that I shold stay in the shadows.

But I listened to my heart and went to play at the public parties.

I heard voices telling me not to rock the boat. I heard voices telling me to keep a low profile. I heard voices sating that I have a position to think about.

But I listened to my heart, and marched in the pride parade with my friends.

Lately I have been hearing voices telling me that there is nothing that can be done about injustice. And there have been voices that say that one person can’t make a difference. And I have heard voices that it’s not my concern anyways.

But I think of Betty Williams. In 1976, she saw three children killed in the sectarian violence in Northern Ireland. This woman–a receptionist and mother of two children–was so horrified by this senseless act that she organized a petition that in only two days got six thousand signatures calling for peace. She then led ten thousand marchers in protest agaist the violence that marred her country. Unfortunately, a bunch of hooligans distrupted the march. One week later, she organized another march. This time, over 35,000 people marched with her.

And for her efforts, she received the Nobel Peace Prize in the same year.

I believe that Betty Williams listened to her heart. And so I will listen to mine.

Lately, I have been trying think about what is worth writing.  What is something that one can user versus self-indulgence.  I don;t mind wriitng to you about my indulgences (thus the title of this blog), but I don’t feeling like writing simply to fulfill my indulgences.

But now, I feel that I do have something worthwhile to say.

And so I will be writing on a regular schedule, and I will be saying something more than, “Today I….”

Until now, I have had many answers: I am drawn to the power exchange; I love the creativity; I love tying up women, It lets me explore the darker side of my psyche…. The answers came fast and varied.

But the last couple of years has been ones of introspection and seeking the truth. I have become aware of the things that make me tick–the good and the bad–and make me the person that I am today. I have come to undestand that the things that make me attractive to people are also the things that can make them annoyed at me. I am not a mansion with many rooms. I am a forest: green and inviting; dark and foreboding; with tranquility and chaos, generousity and self-absorption, kindness and cruelty, caring and want, patience and demanding existing within my borders.

And I have the true answer to the question, “Whay am I in kink?”

I am in kink because it is me.