Musings and experiences about BDSM and other things decadent

Whenever people ask me about play, i always get the sense that they talk of play in the sense of playing as a child: cowboys and indians, cops and robbers, or master and slave.  But for me, play also has the element of play as in playing an instrument: a drum, a guitar, or a violin.  And even more important this metaphor for the lifestyle that I love so much brings to mind how one evolves as a player.

When you start learning an instrument, you being by learning the notes and doing set pieces.  You follow the music and all the notations exactly as they are written.  Your focus is on getting the notes right.  But as you progress, you begin to interpret the music more.  You understand that pizzicato is not just soft.  It is a guide that gives you plenty of room to express yourself.  Soon you are not playing Bach’s Toccata and Fugue.  You are playing your version of the Toccata and Fugue.

And so it was when I began playing with subs.  I started to do set pieces.  I would run through a play session in my mind and then do exactly what was required: warm up, light flogging, increase tempo, lighten tempo, go hard, et cetera, et cetera.  I conformed to a set plan and did not waiver.

But as I progressed, I began to read the person I was playing with better.  I began to change my rhythms with the rhythms of the person I was playing with. I began to go to play session with no set agenda–with no real plan.  I would simply wait and see who i would be playing with and then adjust with that person’s needs and cycles.  I would follow their beat even as i was beating on them.

I had gone from a school band player to a jazz musician.

And that is an important part of the art of play: going with the rhythms of your play partner.  Sure, you are going to take over from time to time.  But you also need to be aware of their beat.  Do they need to go a little slow?  Do they need you to push the rhythms and the intensity?  Do they want you to surprise them? And when you surprise them, how far do you deviate from the syncopation that you have already established?

That is something that every Top/Dom/Master has had to figure out.  And it takes time.  And it takes practice.

You may fail.  You may really goof up.  But that is okay.  You are learning.  You will become better and better at it.

And when you succeed, you will make beautiful music with your sub.