Musings and experiences about BDSM and other things decadent

I went to visit Brad the Braider today to order two single tail whips.

Single tails are a huge step up for a Dom.  They require more control and attention because they can cause serious injury very easily.  There many a horror story of a Sub being traumatized by an inexperienced Dom wielding a single tail improperly.  You have to learn how to control this type of whip through workshops and practice long before you try to use it on someone.

So with this in mind, i went to Brad’s house to meet with him and look at his work.

I found Brad a very warm and open person with a passion for his work.  He demonstrated some techniques with different types of whips.  It was all very impressive.  Brad knows with stuff and has a keen insight into using single tails in BDSM play.

But what struck me as he talke about whips was that the whip takes on the personality of the user.  As you use a whip, it begins to “break in” according to the way its owner uses it.  Brad described how a whip he has made felt fine when he tested it, but after it has been broken in by another person he would discover that it was difficult for him to use.  In a way, whips take on the personality of their owners.

Two things I practice outside of the lifestyle are kendo and iaido: Japanese sword fighting and sword drawing.  I started this martial art not long after i started kendo.  In iaido, one of the things you learn is that a Japanese sword is said to take on the soul of its owner.  But in kendo, you find that people’s fighting styles reflect their personalities.  A shy person tends to hold back and waits for the other person to make a move.  Someone who is more outgoing will tend to initiate the attack.  What is more interesting, however, is how somone who changes their style also seems to shift their personalities.  I have seen shy kendoists become more aggressive and at the same time more outgoing.

The more Brad and I talked, the more similarities we saw between the sword and the whip.  And I realized that when I play with someone, I get into a kind of Zen state where I am focused on everything, but conscious of nothing.  I can pick up the tiniest reaction of the person I am playing with, and automatically adjust what I am doing to be in synch with her needs.  I remember playing with my friend Padme at a public play party and she and I had a great connection.  Everything seemed to flow without any effort.  I would get into a groove and would change what I was doing without having to think about it.  By the time we finished, we had spent over an hour and a half playing.  It was a very good session.

But that is also how I feel when I practice kendo.  My best sessions are when everything I do flows fmor my unconscious.  One time, I was practicing with my teacher and things were going alright.  I made some strikes, but none of them were very good.  In kendo, you need to combine technique, spirit and movement in such a way that everything come together at the moment you strike your opponent.

After a couple of minutes, however, my teacher and began squaring off and really letting our kiai (one’s spirit represented by the shouts one makes towards the opponent) burst out from our bellies.  I felt a connection with my teacher and suddenly, I went for a strike.  I didn’t think about it, it just happened.  I struck my teach on his men (the helmet used in kendo) with a sharp, decisive hit.  It was the best hit I had ever made. My teacher complimented me on it.

I have come to the understanding that being a good Dom is finding that kind of connection.  Subs talk of “sub-space”: the endorphin induced state that subs can achieve when playing.  But some Doms have started talking about “Dom-space.”  Some call it “being in a groove” or being “in tune” with the Sub.  But for me, it is a very Zen experience: a transcendence to something that is beyond the physical and mental.  It is a spiritual moment that is unique each time you experience it.

It is that type of moment that drives me to practice kendo and iaido.

It is that type of moment that compels me to the lifestyle.